Why I don't take endless pictures of the boys???

Hmmm, could it be that everyday is full of bad behavior? Yes, after a long day of dealing with lying, hitting, destroying, I am supposed to sit there and say 'smile' like everything is just perfect? Well, it's not. It sucks most days, yes I signed on the dotted line to adopt, yes I said I would deal with their issues, yes they are just children. I know, trust me I know. I do what I can, I get them therapy etc. I am doing all that I can. Give me a break and let me complain once in blue moon.

Let me first say I love my mom very much

but she does not get it. After a heated conversation last night, she had the gull to say "you had a baby like a million other people have get over it". Really??? Are you serious? I am shocked as she sat there many times when I woke up from surgery, when she saw first hand the first failure of a canceled IVF cycle, she knows that I lost an ovary, a fallopian tube due to a tumor, she knows all this. How many IUI's did I do, six to be exact, how many IVF's did I do? Four to exact, three canceled due to poor ovarian response. Is my baby a miracle? Why yes he is! I had a baby by having sex, shit, does that even happen these days??? Instead of thinking I might be pregnant I thought I was in menopause. Took the test when I was close to seven weeks pregnant, I have an endoscopy the week prior. So yeah, he is a fucking miracle. My miracle and yes I want to take endless pictures of him, I love him, I adore him, I basically worship the ground he walks on.

Again, I love my mother but it's getting harder and harder to have a conversation with her.

Starting to look into the re-adoption process

I never thought in a million years going through this journey, I would be considering giving up an adopted child. Who does that? What kind of person would just give up? I am either very strong in knowing that I am not capable of dealing with RAD or giving up. I personally feel he is better suited in a therapeutic home, I am feel like I am putting my other children at risk with his behavior, yeah he is only four but it gets worse everyday.

He did something to D last Friday, not sure what it is but it scared me. We were at MIL's house for Thanksgiving when D was sound asleep in the next room when S went into the room where D was sleeping, next thing we know D is screaming bloody murder, never have I heard my baby cry that way. S was just standing there, he said he was looking for a bag. What bag? We asked him over and over if he touched D, he just stood there looking at me with a blank look on his face.