Psychological Evaluation

We got the report back and I have to say I was pretty surprised by some it. One that the Psychologist recommended the agency help rescind the adoption. He was diagnosed with RAD but we already knew that, it was comforting to know that I am not crazy and there is really something there.

On one of his tests, he asked S to draw a picture of his family, he could not do it, he did everything but. The Dr. also asked S if he could draw or identify dh when he asked him to draw the man who bought him there, he could not do it. Odd.

He is over higher intelligence, which I knew. It's so frustrating to that he always acts like a baby to get out of things. It all makes sense now, it really does. The continual manipulation, lack of conscious.

I am hopeful the adoption will be rescinded sooner rather than later.

New job!

So when he started the job he was just fired from, he received two offers letters one from the job he was just let go from and one from another company. Today after he was let go, he went to the other company saying "when can I start?" They talked for awhile and he is starting on Jan 1. Yipppeee!!

For fucks sake

Jesus Christ is all I can say right now.

JT just got fired, great!!

Yesterday, S stabbed M in the back with a plastic fork repeatedly saying I wanted to stab him to make holes in his skin. I called his therapist's cell phone, her voicemail said to call the Mental Health Mental Retardation ER line, I did. They said nothing we can do, he is to young and there are no beds available for evaluation. If he had seriously hurt M we would have been charged with failure to parent because we were not properly supervising our other children. So I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Have calls into the old caseworker, his therapist, an attorney who did the adoption and a lady at post adoption services. If we are found Failure to Parent they could remove ALL the children. I am so upset.

I understand kids do stupid stuff but M was laying down on the floor sleeping.

Delish!

Today when he was eating his breakfast, he took the spoon and starting banging on the high chair, he then took the spoon from one hand to the other! So excited!!! I just can't believe how big he is getting.

Why I don't take endless pictures of the boys???

Hmmm, could it be that everyday is full of bad behavior? Yes, after a long day of dealing with lying, hitting, destroying, I am supposed to sit there and say 'smile' like everything is just perfect? Well, it's not. It sucks most days, yes I signed on the dotted line to adopt, yes I said I would deal with their issues, yes they are just children. I know, trust me I know. I do what I can, I get them therapy etc. I am doing all that I can. Give me a break and let me complain once in blue moon.

Let me first say I love my mom very much

but she does not get it. After a heated conversation last night, she had the gull to say "you had a baby like a million other people have get over it". Really??? Are you serious? I am shocked as she sat there many times when I woke up from surgery, when she saw first hand the first failure of a canceled IVF cycle, she knows that I lost an ovary, a fallopian tube due to a tumor, she knows all this. How many IUI's did I do, six to be exact, how many IVF's did I do? Four to exact, three canceled due to poor ovarian response. Is my baby a miracle? Why yes he is! I had a baby by having sex, shit, does that even happen these days??? Instead of thinking I might be pregnant I thought I was in menopause. Took the test when I was close to seven weeks pregnant, I have an endoscopy the week prior. So yeah, he is a fucking miracle. My miracle and yes I want to take endless pictures of him, I love him, I adore him, I basically worship the ground he walks on.

Again, I love my mother but it's getting harder and harder to have a conversation with her.

Starting to look into the re-adoption process

I never thought in a million years going through this journey, I would be considering giving up an adopted child. Who does that? What kind of person would just give up? I am either very strong in knowing that I am not capable of dealing with RAD or giving up. I personally feel he is better suited in a therapeutic home, I am feel like I am putting my other children at risk with his behavior, yeah he is only four but it gets worse everyday.

He did something to D last Friday, not sure what it is but it scared me. We were at MIL's house for Thanksgiving when D was sound asleep in the next room when S went into the room where D was sleeping, next thing we know D is screaming bloody murder, never have I heard my baby cry that way. S was just standing there, he said he was looking for a bag. What bag? We asked him over and over if he touched D, he just stood there looking at me with a blank look on his face.

OK starting a new blog.

With so much going on at home and in my mind, I thought I should start a blog for those who are interested in what's going on at home.